Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Days since...

I'm sorry. I'm not used to

I've been throwing up since

Bambi was at Beauty's was at Helen's old apartment. Don't ask me why. I didn't have anything with me but the clothes on my back, and even then I didn't have much. I knew I shouldn't have gone in unprepared, unarmed, but

Love does funny things to you. Even if the one you love is

I had nothing to lose if Helen was

If I didn't have Helen there was nothing for me to

The receptionist recognized me. I don't know how. I don't look anything like I did when I still lived with her there. But I'm glad she did. She buzzed me through the front doors and gasped that oh my God it was me and did I want to go up to the apartment? Of course I said yes. The receptionist didn't know that Bambi was up there. I did. I knew that she was up there. I knew what I had to do and I knew I could do it. I took the stairs. I'm no good with elevators.

The apartment was almost completely empty. No, it was empty. Completely empty. There weren't even any walls. The only evidence that it was an apartment at all were the windows looking out over the bustling streets below. Something told me it wasn't natural. That it was a trick that the Creature was playing on me. That didn't matter. All that mattered was Bambi. And there she was. And she smirked. And I knew who it was that hid behind that name, a name acting like a mask, her own mask for her face discarded somewhere so she could stare me in the face and demoralize me and it worked


I wouldn't have thought in a million years Mary would do what she's done to her own sister. Maybe to me. She never liked me. But she put up with me because of our common link. Helen. Her sister. My love.

I flew at her in a rage, ready to rip her apart like I've done to countless others, innocent or otherwise, on purpose or by accident, and I fell to the ground, I collapsed, I couldn't hurt her and not for a lack of trying

And it wasn't even the Creature's influence or Its presence that was doing this to me but just the shock of seeing Mary here Mary who is Bambi who killed her sister who killed her sister named Helen who killed her sister that I was in love with that I loved with all my heart

And then I awoke in a Dumpster where I normally wake up in the mornings.

And I found I had lost the song

I found I had lost my voice

And I don't think I'll be getting it back any time soon

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